Do You Value Yourself?
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I have had the honor of working with women for the past 9 1/2 years who have had a desire to better themselves and in doing so better their lives. I have been a witness to magnificent transformations and it has warmed my heart. Sadly not everyone was able to stick it out and even sadder some were forever lost. These women all had something in common though — they didn’t value themselves.
Living in a lie
Some of the women were taught at a very young age that there wasn’t anything inside them to value. There were some that learned this from relationships that they had engaged in later in life. The truth is, it doesn’t really matter where or how they were taught this. What matters is that they were taught a lie. I don’t believe that these women were the exception. It has been my experience that there are way too many women living with this lie. Are you one of these women?
Questions to asK yourself
1. Do you demand perfection from yourself? Are you ok with areas of your life not being perfect?
2. Do you set realistic goals and set yourself up for success? Are your goals yours, or are they what someone else wants for you?
3. Do you engage in some kind of self-care? Do you treat yourself to good things? Is there time in your week that is just for you?
4. Are you taking responsibilities for your choices or do you blame others for where you are in life?
5. Do you allow others to make their own choices and walk in the consequences of those choices?
6. Are you focused on being in control of everything that you end up feeling out of control? Do you push people away by trying to be in control of every situation?
7. How often do you “should” on yourself? Are your “shoulds” realistic?
8. Are you ok with saying “no”, and do you say it when you want to say it?
9. Do you make choices based out of your feelings of guilt and shame? Are you feeling overwhelmed by the feelings of guilt and shame?
10. How often do you feel inadequate, insecure or jealous?
11. Do you consider yourself when making decisions or is it always all about the other people in your life?
I want to encourage you to really ponder those questions. Write them down in a journal, and take some time to search your heart and answer them honestly. It’s important to remember that we can’t change anything that we don’t acknowledge. In order to heal we have to have a starting point. Journaling can be a less intimidating way of getting honest with yourself. No one else has to see what you write, unless you choose to share it with someone.
Some of you are going to discover that you rarely value yourself. There will be some that almost always values themselves. My guess is that most people are going to fall in the middle — sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. This may be dependent on the people around or the situations they find themselves in.
No matter where you fall — we all can work on valuing ourselves to a greater degree. The following are some ways to get you started towards valuing yourself.
10 Ways To Value Yourself
- Don’t demand perfection from yourself. Set realistic goals that you CAN and WANT to achieve . See here for a post I have on SMART goals.
- Reward, comfort and love yourself. Recognize your accomplishments. Treat yourself to self care.
- You have the right to decide who, how, and what you want to be without making excuses, justifying, or saying, “I’m sorry”. The truth is, you are responsible for everything you do unless you are physically overpowered. This is your life and what happens in it has a lot to do with your choices.
- Recognize that there are limits to your power. You really control no more than 50% of a relationship – your half.
- Check out your “shoulds” to yourself. Is it something that you want?
- Don’t answer questions you don’t want to answer. Questions can be threatening, demanding, or manipulating – especially the “why” or “why not” questions. You have the right to say “no”.
7. Recognize feelings of inadequacy, shame and guilt for what they are – legacies from your past. You can decide NOT to feel that way.
8. Be true to yourself. Remember that no matter what you do someone is not going to like it – so you have to risk being disliked, or even ending relationships.
9. Refuse to be manipulated by other people’s greed, helplessness, or anger. Set limits. Say “no” when you mean “no”. Confront those who try to manipulate you with “you should” and who offer guilt provoking statements.
10. Stay in the here-and-now and cope with reality. Don’t blame others or the world for your problems. This behavior is aimed at making you FEEL BETTER instead of SOLVING YOUR PROBLEMS, you are defending instead of coping. Every healthy person has problems and you do have the ability to cope with them.
My goal for this post is to get us all thinking about areas in our lives where we aren’t valuing ourselves. To motivate us to look at and implement practical changes that will help us to live a life of victorious living . Once we can start valuing ourselves more we will start loving ourselves more. This in turn will help us to love others to an even greater degree. Not only does valuing ourselves help us to feel better about ourselves, it helps us to have healthier relationships. We get to experience more joy, love, peace, contentment and wellbeing. In addition, we get to be healthy role models for the other women in our lives – daughters, nieces, sisters, mothers, friends and any other female that crosses our paths. Wow! These are amazing rewards and worth the work and effort that it will take to better ourselves.
What area do you need to work on? What change are you willing to make starting today? Drop me a note – I would love to hear from you and cheer you on.
Be Blessed 💞💞💞