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In a perfect world all our days would be rainbows and sunshine. The truth is some days are harder than others. There was a time in my life where I would live in a fantasy world. I would act like everything in my life was fantastic. If someone asked me how I was doing, the response would always be, “good”. In fact “good” was my standard response to that question or the question “how do you feel”? I not only lied to others, I lied to myself. You see, I didn’t always want to feel the emotions that were bubbling up inside of me. Sometimes the feelings hurt, sometimes they also caused me physical pain, and sometimes my heart hurt so deeply that I welcomed physical pain to override the emotional pain. My insecurities screamed at me to not be vulnerable, after all that would just cause me to feel more pain. I feared rejection and I feared being alone. The fact of the matter is what I feared most is what occurred as I hid behind the masks of “good”. These masks prevented me from establishing healthy, supporting and authentic relationships and in the end I felt rejected and alone.
I have learned that I need to give myself permission to feel my feelings. It’s ok to be happy, just as much as it’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to feel tired just as much as it’s ok to feel refreshed. Too often I think we live behind masks that everything is “good”, when in fact we are falling apart. Can you imagine a world where everyone was authentic? Where we didn’t hide behind the various masks that we tend to wear? Where its ok to not always be ok? Where we don’t prey on the weak, but we surround them with love? Where we don’t believe that we have to live in our shame and guilt and disappointments? Where forgiveness is freely given and freely accepted. Where love abounds?
It may look like that would be impossible but maybe it is possible. One spark lights a fire. The same thing can happen in life. One person choosing to love can impact others to choose to love. One person who chooses to be real – authentic, gives others the courage to follow and do the same. Today I give myself permission to feel. Today I choose to be authentic. What do you choose?
Be Blessed 💞💞💞💞